You Fly Past the Character Fruit Snacks in the Store
You’re determined your kid isn’t going to know anything but fruit dyed gummy snacks, and curse whoever decided to put those artificially colored atrocities right next to your favorite granola bars.
You Smell Your Kid to See If They Need a Bath
Crunchy parents know too much of a good thing can be bad, so they bathe on an as-needed basis. If they don’t stink, let them be free!
You Keep Coconut Oil In the Kitchen. And the Bathroom. And the Baby’s Room.
Deep conditioner? Coconut oil. Diaper rash? Coconut oil. Best brownies you’ve ever had? COCONUT OIL.
You Hate Running out of Cleaner (Because It Means You Have to Make More)
Crunchy parents know Clorox has nothing on vinegar and baking soda. They also know he who leaves the bottle with one spray left should have the decency to make the next batch.
You Have More Essential Oils Than You Have Room For
Crunchy parents take their family to the doctor when necessary. Otherwise, they’re consulting their local naturopath, because honey — there’s an essential oil for that.
Losing the Amber Teething Necklace Is the Equivalent of Armageddon
Skeptics can say what they want — at this point, you’d do a rain dance if you thought it would help get your baby through teething. Must. Have. Backups.
You Measure Time You Have to Do Something in Time Between Nursing Sessions
New moms especially know, if it takes more than two hours, they’ll have to ask their tiny baby boss.
You Do Shots...of Apple Cider Vinegar
Who said your partying days were over when you had kids? Shooting apple cider vinegar is way more hardcore than tequila. And it’s great for your gut health.
You Collect Cloth Diapers Like Pokemon Cards
Crunchy moms know, it doesn’t matter how many cloth diapers you have — if there’s a Harry Potter fitted for sale anywhere at any time, it has your name on it.
You Boil Beets at Easter
You don’t feed your kids artificial colors the rest of the year, why should you do it for the holidays? Sure it’s messy, sure your fingers are pink for days, but just look at those eggs!
You’ve (Uncomfortably) Made Wishlists for Kids’ Birthdays
It’s never fun to tell people who are already buying things for your kids that you have a preference as to what they buy. Unless you want another heap of plastic and noise at the holidays though, you’ve learned to power through.
You’re More Scared to Admit to Feeding Your Kids McDonald’s Than You Are to Eating Your Placenta
Sure, we’ve all been there — desperate days that call for quick and easy sustenance and a little sanity for mom. But you’d still rather talk about your placenta capsules than the fossilized remains of a Happy Meal on the floor of your car.
What crunchy parent thing do you do that cracks your family up? Tell us in the comments below!
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